There are some bits that he has overlooked, concerning the homosexual treats they give each other. These treats are like scooby snacks to the boys, so if you find yourself dealing with them in a professional capacity, they are easily distracted by Gingerbread Latte's with a side order of Tiffin (whatever the feck that is).
As I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment, I'm gonna simply cut and paste the mighty 5's words, throw some purty pics in, and leave you to it...
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So.... Mr. Savage has asked us to introduce ourselves via this blog and as such you have some info about the three amigos from the south east London/Kent borders.... Marc, James & Charlie, otherwise known as Five, Curly and Dizzy.
This Blog update goes on and on about cars and racing and for good reason. That is the one common denominator that has brought this rag tag group of misfits together. Not just us three but the whole group taking part in the drive. We all have different backgrounds, different interests, different views, different political and religious standpoints, we’re different ages and at different stages of our lives but don’t care a jot about any of these differences. All we care about is that we enjoy each others company, will help each other with anything, have a good laugh, have the same sense of humour, are all a little silly and like doing something fun and trying to raise a bit of money for charity in the process.
And so... Us three... We all work together and have been brought together by one common factor.... Cars, Bikes and Motorsport. We love it all - Moto GP, WSB, BSB, F1, BTCC, DTM, and even more random stuff like Hill climb, Drag Racing, Karting, A1GP, Le Mans TT racing and all more. You will usually find us on random weekends at Brands Hatch watching something with an engine and wheels go round in circles as fast as it’s pilot can make it go.
So a love of Motorsport... Not something unusual to bring together three blokes who intend to drive across Europe for no reason other than some fun and to try to raise a bit of money and awareness for charity right? Except for one thing. Charlie is Charlotte, no not by means of an operation, she was born female and remains so to this day but she has an amazing love of cars. This did come as a surprise to the boys.
Both Five and Curly remember sitting around talking cars with some dizzy blonde sitting next to them who piped up with words to the effect of “I love the RX8, it’s rear wheel drive and is proper fast with that rotary engine... plus it’s sooo pretty in canary yellow with it’s suicide doors” In short she’s an all round girl until you mention cars then she becomes a little odd. In a nice way of course. From then until now a friendship ensued held together by oil and BHP.
We love her and she loves us, besides which she has agreed to dress up as Daisy Duke for our European Adventure and that’s a good thing. The only negative things about Charlie are that she cannot drive unless it’s forwards in a straight line and she can only drive in dry weather. Oh... and she owned an MGtF. Which she crashed. In the snow. backwards. Into a lamp post. Bless her but she will mostly be a passenger on our little European adventure.
Then you’ve got James “Curly”. He would not look good as Daisy Duke (I think). He’s a strange little fellow. A little bit like Richard Hammond without the fan base... or the money... or the sense of humour. In fact the only similarity is that he is short with sticky up hair and can’t drive for toffee. (Sorry Richard but ‘that’ Jet Car ‘moment’?!) Curly has a tendency to ‘vision down’ when driving. He would argue (like he does about most things) but a point in case would be when, somewhere in Germany, followed by seven colleagues... Five the co-pilot at this stage says “take your next left” which Curly does. Down a no left turn, through no entry signs and then the wrong way down a four lane carriageway towards oncoming traffic..... followed by all seven colleagues behind who think he knows what he’s doing. Lesson - Curly rarely knows what he’s doing and requires precise, intimate instructions for everything from using the loo to changing the TV channel.
He passed his ARDS “back in the day” and has driven some proper race cars on track, not just track days in your own car. He can drive round in circles reasonably quickly and has taken part in a few track day events. He has an odd love for ‘Fast Fords’ and odd racing formulas. You’re likely to find him at something random like truck racing or sidecar racing and partakes in a yearly pilgrimage to Le Mans.
Then we have Marc ‘Five’ We all have several different nicknames, and we’ll stick with these ones for today. There’s no need to elaborate on where these names come from but suffice to say it’s quite inventive and owes something to our fellow road trip companions. Five has gone through more cars in his driving career than most people go through in a lifetime. The reasons for this are a tendency to drive everything like its partaking in a stage of the World Rally Championship... Unfortunately the cars aren’t built for this kind of abuse so invariably blow up... not to mention that Five isn’t a Rally car driver so there is also the distinct likelihood that this lack of expertise has occasionally resulted in some damaged cars.
In the dry, fast as buggery. In the wet? watch those kerbs and roundabouts. The problem is that you would think that if you drive too fast in the wet you’d learn your lesson right? no. Five has taken part in some track days, driven rally spec cars on events, done a bit of Karting and is the motorcyclist of our little group. Five and Curly have been talking about buying a car, passing the ARDS test and getting into amateur racing, our bank accounts don’t agree that this is a good idea.
As a result of all of this, Five has experienced all kinds on wheels, front wheel, rear wheel, four wheel, superbikes, from a classic mini, a boy racer Hot hatch, a commuter SV650, a ‘indicators optional’ BMW, a Subaru Impreza WRC, a Ferrari F355, and a CBR600RR... The list could go on forever! Five would not suit a Daisy Duke costume either.
Last year we rebuilt an FTO which was fast, noisy and stupid. we drove across Europe drawing attention to ourselves, looking ridiculous and raising money for charity. It was hilarious and we made some friends for life. We broke down in bizarre yet comical fashion in Bruges, Hence our decision to do it again this year. There has been a slight change to our plans. Richy ‘Hill’ and Holcsy are buying our escort cabbie to use on the run because we have sourced another car. Something ‘different’. Something Italian...
Something Alfa Romeo. We have a 2001 Alfa Romeo 156 T-Spark Veloce. It has a massive spoiler, tinted windows, induction kit, sports exhaust and in our style will be fast, noisy and stupid. again. Only this time we hope to make it back to English soil on our own wheels. (all four of them!)
Things are progressing with the run. The charity have been informed of our intentions. The cars are coming together. The route is almost there apart from some tweaking.
That's us. That's what we’re doing. Hope you enjoyed the update and I'll leave it to Monsieur Savage to elaborate on the event in more detail when it all gets more finalised!
